Focus

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Our morning routine lately:

Around 5:30 am you start to whimper in your crib. Your dad and I know if we don’t respond quickly enough those whimpers will turn into cries. So we both wearily get out of bed. One of us takes diaper duty, the other makes a bottle. About 5 minutes later, the three of us climb back into our bed.

Your dad rolls over to try and get another hour of sleep before he gets up for work. While I hold you cradled in one arm and holding your bottle up with the other. Your little eyes, so wide and awake, study my face while you eat. When you finish the bottle, you do one of two things. You either give a little sigh and close your eyes, falling asleep quickly, or you give a little smile and continue to stare at me with those big, searching eyes. If you stay awake, I usually close my eyes, trying to demonstrate to you it’s time to sleep. Every few seconds I peek to see what your doing. Usually you’re just laying there staring at me, but eventually you too will close your eyes and fall asleep.

Once your breathing regulates and your body gets heavy in my arm, I know  your back asleep. I slowly, slowly pull my arm out from under your head, for it’s usually fallen asleep by this point. I get all situated, making sure there are no pillows or blankets near you, and fall asleep with your little face next to mine.

An hour or two later, you start to stir. First it starts with the feet. You stick your legs straight up in the air, and then just let them drop back onto the bed…all while you’re dead asleep. Then the arms start flapping, usually hitting us in the face. Finally, your little head starts to twist back and forth. At this point I’ve finally admitted to myself that your up for the day, and I need to wake up as well. When I open your eyes, you’re usually just staring at me, and as soon as our eyes meet you give me the biggest grin- sometime accompanied by a little giggle.

At this point in the morning, I haven’t put in my contacts and can only see a few inches in front of my face. So as you and I lay there in bed staring at each other, literally the only thing in focus for me is your sweet little face, smiling.

These quiet moments in the morning, full of smiles and baby coos, are my favourite way in the world to start the day. While I someday hope to have my vision fixed, I love that every morning I’m reminded of what’s most important in life, the only thing in focus, you.

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