Reflecting on 364 days of motherhood

DSC_0663Between Mother’s Day and reflecting on the days leading up to Sunday’s birth a year ago, I’ve been thinking a lot about motherhood this week.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my own mother, and the amazing example she is to me. Whenever motherhood seems overwhelming, I think about the trials and difficult situations my mom has ‘mothered’ during. I think about what our family’s life was like when all five of us kids were small, and sometimes I seriously can’t believe she did it. Anytime I get bogged down by the weight of raising and nurturing a little soul, I think of her and tell myself “I can do hard things”…and then the moment is over and I can go on trying to do my best raising Sunday. I only hope I can pass on that legacy to my children as well.

I’ve also been thinking all day about where I was exactly a year ago. Tanner and I were desperately counting the minutes between contractions, just waiting for when we could finally go to the hospital and meet our baby. That day was probably the longest of my life, and definitely one of the most physically taxing, yet I would go through it all again if that’s what it would take to bring Sunday into the world.

My whole life I’ve dreamed and wished about the days when I would bring my own babies into the world. I don’t know if that’s because of how I was raised, or it’s just due to my innate womanhood, but either way I’ve been so grateful for this past year where my dreams finally came true. Sunday is such a strong independent little soul, I can’t even pretend that I had any part in shaping her personality. Yet, every time she accomplishes something or conquers a task, I’m so filled with pride and awe at her brilliance and just overall wonderfulness. Yes, I’m painfully aware of how cheesy that sounded- but I don’t really care.

Because Sunday, on the eve of your first birthday I can’t help but be filled with gratitude for what this year has taught me. Thank you for the hours of newborn snuggles. Thank you for your sweet smell every time you bury your head into my chest. Thank you for your chubby little hands reaching up for me. Thank you for teaching me how to be more patient, loving, and kind…even in moments of pure exhaustion. Because you are my first baby, you will unfortunately have to be your dad’s and I experiment when it comes to parenting. However, it also means you will always hold a special place in my heart, for when you were born, I was reborn as a mother.

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