Motherhood right now is waking up to the sound of Sunday babbling and giggling on her monitor.
It’s kissing chubby baby cheeks and tickling my chunky one year old to hear the best belly laughs in the entire world.
It’s treasuring every second that Sunday will snuggle…because that’s about how long her snuggles last…one second.
It’s feeling little arms wrap around my knees and feeling loved and needed.
It’s days full of asking “what’s that?” and repeating words like “woof”, “shoe”, “mama”, “daddy” and “hi” over and over again.
It’s also full of frantically sticking my fingers in her mouth, attempting to fish out whatever choking hazard she has managed to find and decided to taste.
It’s cleaning up all the things on the floor that managed to get pulled off of shelves, out of drawers, cupboards, and boxes all day long.
It’s worrying constantly about what a change in poop, appetite, sleep patterns, or general demeanour means. I never know if it’s a sign of illness or just another ‘developmental’ thing.
It’s balancing my 26 lb. one- year old on my 7 month pregnant belly and hoping my back doesn’t break…
Motherhood right now is wiping sticking hands, and a sticky face 100xs a day, going to the park and preventing my baby from sticking everything in her mouth, and spending all my free time googling “parenting two under two”.
Motherhood right now is driving around listening to the cutest babbling noises, looking in my rearview mirror to see the happiest face smiling back at me, waving and saying “hi” anytime our eyes meet.
Motherhood right now is going to the grocery store, and being prepared to say “thanks, I know” a million times- because that’s how often someone tells me how happy and beautiful my little girl is.
It’s counting down moments until husband and I get alone time, but then once we’re alone talking constantly about our little girl and how much we love her. It’s looking through the pictures on my phone every night before I go to sleep- because I already miss my baby’s face. It’s about wondering if I’m doing it all ‘right’ and being the mother she deserves.
It’s also about hiding my phone the second she looks in my direction…because I know she’ll want to play with it.
It’s about mornings spent in our pj’s reading the same book over and over- and by reading I mean letting her flip through the pages at any speed or order she desires.
It’s about having nonsense conversations, nodding along as she talks to me with so much intention in her voice, and yet having no idea what she’s trying to communicate.
Motherhood right now is full of wondering when I’ll ever get to sleep through the night again…while also secretly loving the midnight feed because it’s the only time my child will snuggle me and fall asleep in my arms.
Motherhood right now is praying every night, pleading to my Heavenly Father to protect my daughter(s) and keep them healthy. It’s also trying to find the words to express my gratitude for the opportunity to raise this little girl, and asking for help that I may do so in the way He wants her raised.
It’s about feeling like I finally have some sort of handle on being a mother and a routine to our day…and feeling anxious about how a second child will change all that. But it’s also about wondering what baby #2’s little face looks like, and feeling excited to see my two babies meet and become best friends.
Motherhood right now makes me feel so alive. I feel so exhausted, yet so grateful at the end of each day. Lots of days I feel like I ‘guessed’ wrong at what Sunday needed and wanted, and I wonder if I’ll ever feel ‘good’ at being a mother. Once in a while we have a magical day filled with only laughter and smiles…and I start to think I can do this. Right now I’m basking in being a first time mom who is amazed at every single thing her child does, and I’m hoping that this sense of excitement lasts for all my children. However, I’m also looking forward to being a second-time mom with a little more experience to rely on.